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What Ever Happened to the WHOPPER?

So yesterday I developed an irresistible urge for a quick hot juicy burger. Coincidently I was at that very moment driving right toward the entrance of a drive through…Burger King – Home of the all American WHOPPER! As I spun my wheels sharply to the right so not to miss the driveway the saliva began to flow. I’m not kidding, I was drooling. All I could think about was that quarter pound flame broiled ground beef sandwich stacked with tomatoes, lettuce, onions, pickles with mayo mustard and catsup. Back in 1971 it was so wide and thick I could hardly hold it with one hand. I usually had it cut in half just to facilitate its polite inoffensive consumption. Remember the slogan “It takes two hands to handle the Whopper”?

whopperAs I perused the outdoor menu, crowded with more choices than I coud ever imagine at a burger joint, there it was…the WHOPPER! But the options had changed a little. My choice was either a single, double or triple. TRIPLE? Who could ever consume a sandwich that was not only too big to hold with one hand but with 3 huge patties stacked between those two plate size buns? Well, to each his own. “I’ll take a regular Whopper and a medium coke,”I told the speaker phone outside my driver side window. I could not wait to dig into that luscious piece of heaven. I took the bag from the pimple faced kid and drove to the first open parking spot I could find. I reached in – pulled out the paper wrapped bit of nostalgia that so affected my glands – but what did I see? A drooping soggy sloppy keizer roll the size of my wife’s hand. Nothing at all like what I had remembered from back in the day. I thought, “what ever happened to the whopper”? 

So this burger, like everything else wonderful in our lives, we want to experience again in the same way we remember it, fails to meet our expectations! “The good ole days” will never be again. So hang it up, enjoy what you have in the now and stop wondering what ever happened to the Whopper!


Dad, he’s peeing in the kitchen!

So me and the wife decide we need someone to manage our household affairs. After interviewing several choices, we vote as a family. My wife and kids win because they like this guy’s endearing personality. I go along because the  guy  promises to change things in a very positive way. He even gets an award for his recent performances. Well we’re all excited until one day, soon after voting him into our home, I caught him peeing in my kitchen. I brought this up to my wife and kids but they excused it saying that I was  just being unfair. They said it was only because I didn’t vote for him in the first place. Well this goes on and every so often I catch this guy peeing in my kitchen. I got so upset I told some of my neighbors and they just shrugged it off and said I was being too critical.

The next thing I find out is that instead of going through our established household channels, like asking my wife or my permission, he starts taking cash right from our “vacation money” drawer and gives it to our kids; as special gifts for favors! Well now I’m really pee o’d. I can’t take this anymore. But when I talk about it, display any angst or complain I’m laughed at and criticized.

Well let me ask YOU! If this was your house and this was happening to the family you loved and the home you respected. What would you do? Just sit in your arm-chair and let it happen or get off your duff and do something about it. Oh, you might say house managers are all the same no sense getting all excited . Things will eventually be ok. Well that might eventually be so, but what does that say about your self respect or for your house and your family for that matter! I dare say one could accuse you of being derelict as a husband and a father.

Not this American. You disrespect my house and my family you are out on your ears. So come November 6th 2012 what are you going to do. Sit at home in your apathetic loving arm-chair and continue to let the disrespect continue in OUR House or will you at least grow a little courage and say something. I for one am tired of the stink in the kitchen.

And this is a Christian American Opinion,

Please  don’t be in dereliction of your citizen’s duty, vote anti-socialist!


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