New from Homeland Security: Lowinfo Pillow

This head-enveloping pillow  blocks out noise and light to create a private zone for blocking out the truth that is evident all around you. If you’ve chosen to have no political affiliation and can’t be bothered with the current issues that face everyone today, this is for you. Designed by the Department of Homeland Security, the cozy cocoon fits snugly over the head and neck while leaving a large opening for the nose for snorting your mind numbing substances and mouth to consume large amounts of alcohol or eat the food your mom cooks for you. The pillow allows users to completely tune out their surroundings, creating a dark, quiet microenvironment ideal for achieving the desired numbskull nirvana you so desire, whether stranded in an Occupy Wall Street crowd or inline for your favorite video game’s new release. Pockets over the ears muffle ambient sounds from talk radio and conservatives like Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh and serve as a place to tuck hands while leaning forward if you pass out over a tray table or desk. Please don’t use while texting and driving as there is no guarantee that your safety and security is of any concern to us.